Seinfeld, 30 Years Later, Part 2: Hot Wizards With Many Functions, and Sweet Rides

April 2, 2020 Editorial

Seinfeld, 30 years later: technology and vehicles

For the second part of this Seinfeld retrospective, I focus on the many technologies that were prevalent during its run, and vehicles of that time period. Three decades can change a lot in modern society: cell phones and the internet have largely transformed how we communicate, and a substantial number of vehicle brands and models have ceased production.

Technology has made society more mobile than it was at any other time in history, yet if you live in New York, good parking spaces are still elusive.

This three part series is organized by topic:

Part One: The Un-Branding, Dunkers & Dictators, and The Mom & Pop Stores

Part Two: Hot Wizards With Many Functions, and Sweet Rides

Part Three: Society Now!, and What Consumer, I’m The Consumer?!

Hot Wizards With Many Functions

Most of this section has been made obsolete by one thing: cell phones. If you want to watch TV, make a call, take photos or set an alarm, you have a “wizard with many functions” in your pocket that does it all.

Macintosh SE/30 — Macintosh SE/30
This was the first of a handful of Apple computers that sat on Jerry’s desk through the entire series, having entered the market shortly before the pilot was filmed. Discontinued in October, 1991.

Land Lines: Coil Cord and Cordless Phones — Land Lines: Coil Cord and Cordless Phones
Around the time that Seinfeld aired, landlines had nearly 100% market saturation in homes; today they’re found in fewer than 50%. That’s a remarkable decline, considering it took almost a century to peak popularity. Two things you don’t find in homes anymore: phones with room-length curly cords, or cordless phones with telescoping antennas.

Iron Lung — Iron Lung
Mostly associated with the mid-20th century polio epidemic, iron lung usage declined decades ago and have long since been relegated to a visual punchline. As of 2017, there are reportedly only three still in use in the US.

CRT TV — CRT TV
The days of fiddling with tin foil-enhanced rabbit ears and whacking the side of your TV are long gone, as CRT TV’s have been rendered obsolete years ago with extreme prejudice: not only are they no longer manufactured, you’ll have a hard time giving them away. As of 2009 you can’t even watch broadcast television without a digital converter.

Camcorders — Camcorders
Of all the electronic devices to get swallowed up by the emergence of smart phones, camcorders have fared the worst, with a 93% drop in sales

Walkman And Cassette Tapes — Walkman And Cassette Tapes
The Walkman revolutionized how we consume music in the 80’s with the portable cassette player. While cassette sales - and the namesake Walkman itself - became nearly extinct a decade ago, the brand name lives on as an MP3 player.

Payphones — Payphones
The ubiquity of cell phones has rendered public payphones virtually extinct, with less than 5% of the peak 2.6 million still in operation. On the plus side, you don't have to carry around change, or get police involved after being accosted by short, stocky, slow-witted bald men while you're in the middle of a call.

Keys — Keys
Mechanical lock-and-key technology has been around for a few thousand years. Today, no hotel issues them, 9 out of 10 cars are sold with keyless entry, and smart home/Bluetooth door entry is on the rise. While there isn’t any indication that mechanical keys are going away any time soon, it’s getting harder every day to find a Key Brother.

This practice had a limited role in homicide investigations prior to the ubiquity of photography, and has really only been used as a visual gag in popular culture for decades. — Chalk Outlines
This practice had a limited role in homicide investigations prior to the ubiquity of photography, and has really only been used as a visual gag in popular culture for decades.

Police Sirens — Police Sirens
The reason for police sirens changing from “waaaaaaah” to “woo!woo!woo!woo!” to current implementions over the years is a fair question. What I would really like to know is, how the hell did Jake Jarmel make the transition from an LA police officer to a New York author?

Answering Machines — Answering Machines
Answering machines, along with the annoyance of leaving messages and fiddling with cassette tapes, really only started to see widespread use in the mid-80’s. It’s easy to point to its demise with the popularity of digitization and cell phones, but even beyond that, a new trend has emerged: the decline of voicemail, itself.

Film Prints — Film Prints
Analog film use, as well as dark room development, cratered around 2005 with the rise of digital cameras (which have since been mostly superseded by smartphones). On the plus side, there is now nearly zero chance of finding a shrine to you on the wall of an opera-loving psychopath’s apartment.

Vinyl Records — Vinyl Records
Vinyl records were a nearly extinct format for connoisseurs by the 90’s. They did have a minor comeback as a niche product - even outselling CD’s - a decade ago. Mountain of gold? That depends on how many Al Jolson records you’re holding.

Polaroid — Polaroid
Polaroid cameras established themselves as a staple of American culture for half a century, but nearly fell out of existence after one hour photo stores, single-use and digital cameras emerged. They’ve experienced a minor comeback in recent years, but you’re far more likely to meet your neighbors or blackmail an accountant with a cell phone and social media.

Powerbook Duo Dock — Powerbook Duo Dock
Of all the Macs shown in Jerry’s apartment, this was an interesting one because it’s actually a laptop in a docking station. Docking stations still exist, but have been made largely obsolete with superior connections such as USB-C and Thunderbolt. Discontinued in 1997.

Home Movies — Home Movies
Super 8 home movies had their heyday through the 60’s and 70’s, with many other formats overtaking it in the ensuing decades. Now, those fond memories of your father screaming at you to “Blow out the damn candles!” are most likely captured on a device that fits in your pocket.

Record Players — Record Players
As with the near-extinction of vinyl record sales, record players became nearly nonexistent. With a recent minor resurgence, you can do the cha-cha while sporting a support undergarment designed specifically for men in the comfort of your living room, and no one will judge you.

Alarm Clock — Alarm Clock
Single purpose devices such as alarm clocks are unsurprisingly being superseded by multipurpose smartphones. You can no longer smash the snooze button in anger, but will never be confounded by a separate knob for the radio alarm again.

Car Phones — Car Phones
This was a signature mobile amenity for well-heeled purveyors of curio apparel through the 80’s and 90’s, but went by the wayside with the ubiquity of cell phones.

Long Distance Calling — Long Distance Calling
The good news is, with the rise in usage - and technological advances of cell phones, long distance charges have been driven to near-extinction… the FCC even stopped tracking its cost over a decade ago. The bad news is, your mother can call to ask where she can buy some ice any time, and anywhere.

Power Mac — Power Mac
Season 8 saw the return of a desktop computer, in the form of a Power Mac 6100. Did Jerry need a more powerful workstation for writing his skits? We may never know… this model was discontinued in 1995.

Tape Recorder — Tape Recorder
With the double-edged liability of a single purpose device on obsolete media, cassette tape recorders fell out of the market… so paranoid targets of a systematic process of intimidation and manipulation don’t need to haul around brick-sized recorders in their suitcases.

VCR — VCR
This piece of home entertainment history goes back more than four decades, and astoundingly, the last unit came off an assembly line just a few years ago, in 2016.

Film Cameras — Film Cameras
The consumer camera market has been decimated by smartphones, and along with it goes a cottage industry of studio apartment photogs.

20th Anniversary Mac — 20th Anniversary Mac
Out of all the Macs featured in Jerry’s apartment, this one is definitely the most unique. Introduced in 1997 with a $7500 price tag - and at a time when Apple was nearing bankruptcy, this oddity was discontinued a year later.

4:3 Aspect Ratio, Gateway — 4:3 Aspect Ratio, Gateway
George’s scheme to “beat Lloyd Braun” at selling computers has him hauling Sceptre FT15G, Apple Multiple Scan and Gateway monitors into Jerry’s apartment. The 4:3 monitor aspect ratio has disappeared from the market, as well as Gateway computers.

Electronic Organizer — Electronic Organizer
Tech pundits were predicting that electronic organizers (or PDA’s) would be made extinct by smartphones as early as 2003. By 2007, manufacturers were bolting for the exit faster than a geriatric diner with a hot tip calculator.

LCD Car Stereo Tape Player — LCD Car Stereo Tape Player
Car stereos equipped with cassette players were common throughout the 80’s and 90’s, with the last factory-equipped option available a decade ago.

Sweet Rides

Number of auto brands that fell out of existence since Seinfeld? Four. Number of times George borrowed a car? Five. Vehicles on this list that are still on the market? Zero.

1983 Ford LTD — 1983 Ford LTD
It’s “limited” to what - however many they can sell? That turned out to be around 5 million over two decades. It was replaced by the Taurus three years after it temporarily replaced the mid-sized Granada.

1990 Geo Prizm — 1990 Geo Prizm
Geo was Chevy’s effort to capture a share of the economy imports market, and the Prizm was nearly identical to its contemporary Toyota Corolla. The Geo marque was dropped in 1997, and the rebranded Chevy Prizm was discontinued in 2002.

Ford Escort — Ford Escort
The standard for rental car companies that know how to take reservations but don’t know how to hold them. The Escort was succeeded by the Focus in 2000... which itself was discontinued in 2018 after Ford shifted its attention towards trucks and crossovers, such as the EcoSport.

Buick LeSabre — Buick LeSabre
A favorite for pulling into parking spaces head first that went through eight generations, and manufactured for nearly half a century. Discontinued in 2005.

Mercury Monarch — Mercury Monarch
This car was essentially a Ford Granada with a higher trim package, and only manufactured for a single generation. Like an unfashionable old dad, the Mercury brand was later retired in 2010. You may borrow it, but if it gets wrecked you’ll have to become his butler.

1973 Chevy Impala — 1973 Chevy Impala
Cosmo Kramer’s car was a 1973 Chevy Impala – the perfect ride for taking a proctologist’s parking spot under false pretenses. The Impala has lasted through several generations, with production ending in February, 2020.

1970 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia — 1970 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia
A perfect ride for aspiring actors who are accused of murder. Discontinued in the mid-70’s.

Chevy Caprice — Chevy Caprice
This full-sized sedan has the unique distinction of two generations appearing on Seinfeld, as both a taxi and police car. The consumer model was discontinued in 1996, and later sold exclusively as a patrol car, which was discontinued in 2017.

1992 Buick Skylark — 1992 Buick Skylark
The Skylark ceased production in 98, but for its time it was the perfect motor carriage for rhapsodizing about unusual corduroys, and racing through traffic to be at your mother’s side… who is on death’s door.

1983 Chrysler LeBaron — 1983 Chrysler LeBaron
The vehicle to buy, if you want to be smug about owning a cheap convertible that may have been owned by a celebrity. The LeBaron was discontinued and replaced by the Sebring in 1995.

Cadillac Fleetwood — Cadillac Fleetwood
This is the luxury car to own, if you want to be forced by the Pines of Mar Gables' board of directors to resign in disgrace. Discontinued in 1996.

Cadillac Eldorado — Cadillac Eldorado
A pimpin’ ride that was produced for half a century, and discontinued in 2002.

For several years through the 90’s, this was the best selling car in America, and were so ubiquitous it’d make you nauseous… but not as much as Elaine’s driving. Ford finally cut it from their product line in 2019 to focus on better-selling vehicle classes. — Ford Taurus
For several years through the 90’s, this was the best selling car in America, and were so ubiquitous it’d make you nauseous… but not as much as Elaine’s driving. Ford finally cut it from their product line in 2019 to focus on better-selling vehicle classes.

Pontiac GTO — Pontiac GTO
Wanna show everyone what a bad man you are? Just borrow your dad’s GTO (complete with orthopedic back pillow) to impress the ladies. It was originally discontinued in the 70’s, then revived for a few years in 2006; with the Pontiac brand exiting the market altogether a few years later.

Ferrari F355 Spider — Ferrari F355 Spider
Produced from 1994 to 1998. The perfect ride for picking up a down on his luck comedian… as long as you don’t have Karl Farbman with you.

Jaguar XK140 — Jaguar XK140
Susie is gone, and so is the Jaguar XK140, which was produced from 1954 to ’57… and it was pretty good. Jaguar’s XK series was replaced by the E-Type in 1961, then brought back as a modern sports coupe from 2006-2014.

Cadillac Seville — Cadillac Seville
Here’s a great car to borrow from your mother, so you can take your kleptomaniac girlfriend for a ride… and, yada yada. Production ended in 2004.

Ford E-Series Conversion Van — Ford E-Series Conversion Van
If this van’s a-rockin’, don’t go a-knockin. The E-Series was replaced by the Transit in 2015, but is still manufactured as a cutaway cab for commercial use, only.

Saab 900 SE — Saab 900 SE
The fictional Seinfeld drove a few different cars throughout the series, but his Saab was easily the most recognized. The 900 was made until 1998, and Saab itself ceased to exist by 2014, due to convoluted issues with bankruptcy, corporate buyouts and copyrights.

References

Hot Wizards With Many Functions
Macintosh SE/30 – visual history
Landline usage decline
History of the iron lung
Last of the iron lungs
Iron lung fast facts
Polio description
What’s happening to all the CRT TV’s
CRT TV sales ceased by the mid-2000’s
Goodwill won’t accept CRT donations
Digital broadcasting begins in 2009
FCC digital broadcast converter requirements
Camcorder sales plummet
Sony retires analog camcorder
Sony retires cassette Walkman
Cassettes are .05% of all music sales by mid-2000’s
Demise of payphones
History of payphones
Evolution of hotel keys
Demise of the car key
Police explain why they don’t use chalk outlines
Homicide scenes are photographed
NY changes sirens sound
NY emergency vehicles siren sound changed
Vintage police cars siren sound
Answering machines became popular in the 80’s
Answering machines become ubiquitous
Voicemail usage decline
Film camera sales plummet
Camera sales comparison chart
Vinyl records are a niche market
End of vinyl record resurgence
Vinyl records outsell CDs
History of Polaroid
Instant-print cameras find a niche market
PowerBook Duo
PowerBook Duo Dock
Laptop docks are made obsolete
Super 8: the earliest home movies
Super 8 overtaken by other formats
Timeline of home video formats
Vinyl records are a minor fraction of music consumption
Alarm clock sales decimated by smart phones
Smartphones caused the decline of single-purpose devices
Car phones popularity rise in the 90’s
History of car phones
FCC no longer tracks cost of long distance calls
Power Mac 6100 specs
History of cassette tapes
History of music sales by format
End of VCR manufacturing
Consumer cameras driven to near-extinction
Twentieth Anniversary Mac history
Square monitors exit the market
Acer acquires Gateway
Brief history of Gateway
Smartphones kill off PDA’s
Smartphone market dwarfs PDA’s in 2006
PDA makers bolt for the exit
Mobile OS popularity by year
Cassette decks no longer available factory-installed
Evolution of car stereos

Sweet Rides
Ford LTD sales
Ford Taurus replaces the LTD
Geo Prizm history
Ford Escort history
Ford discontinues the Focus
Ford Focus ends production
Buick LeSabre history
Buick LeSabre generations
Ford Granada and Mercury Monarch introduction
Ford Granada and Mercury Monarch history
Ford discontinues Mercury brand
Chevy Impala history
Chevy Impala ends production
History of the Volkswagen Karmann Ghia
Karmann Ghia succeeded by Volkswagen Rabbit
Chevy Caprice discontinued in ’96, brought back as patrol car, only
Chevy Caprice PPV discontinued
Buick Skylark discontinued in 1998
’83 Chrysler LeBaron
LeBaron featured on Seinfeld auctioned
Chrysler Sebring replaced LeBaron
Cadillac Fleetwood discontinued
Cadillac Fleetwood history
Cadillac Eldorado legacy vehicle
Cadillac Eldorado history
Ford Taurus generations
Ford marks end of Taurus production
Pontiac GTO history
GM announces end of Pontiac brand
Ferrari model history
Ferrari F355 produced until 1999
Jaguar XK140 production history
Modern Jaguar XK production ended in 2014
Cadillac Seville history
Ford Transit replaces the E-Series
Ford E-Series sold as cutaway cab, only
Saab 900 production ceased in 1998
Saab struggles after GM buyout
Saab’s Chinese parent company loses rights to brand name

Chris Mattingly

Graphic Designer/Web Developer with two decades of print and web experience for publications, marketing and commerce.

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